blocked

I cannot write.

I try, and nothing comes.  I consider it and nothing happens.

For the first time, EVER i do not have any desire.

Just that, just none.

Poof.

I want to write!!!!! I need inspiration.

I need to make my list.

9 1/2 weeks

I have heard a lot about the movie ‘9 and a half weeks’ but i’d never seen it.

It could be partly because I was about ten years old when it came out in 1986.  Give or take a bit.  At that age i was dry humping the arm of the couch, masterbating with lipstick tubes and letting the boy downstairs think he could hypnotise me to feel me up and stare at my pussy while i said ‘yes Master’ to everything.  Oh, and i was devilishly excited reading a hard cover book of cosmo quizes.

Meanwhile the world was being introduced to the erotic side of D/s through the sex appeal of Kim bassinger and Mickey Rourke.

Wow.

I watched the movie last night and was floating.  At least until the end.  I did NOT enjoy the end, in fact if i could have reached through the screen of my lap top i’d have decked luckly sexy lil kim for not running back and begging him on her knees to please share himself and let them be ok.  That part, reminded me of my ex… like a missing part.

The food scene… yum.  She was a good girl and kept her eyes closed.

When she danced for him… I want that body.

The blindfold in the hotel with the whore… intense.

I fell asleep dreaming of who will command me, of who will dress me as they desire, tell me what to eat, help me form my body into what it should be as opposed to what my emotions have made it.

I regret not having seen this movie years and years ago!

She’s a bad bad girl….friend.

I came to the realization today that my biggest judgemental habit with people is that of intelligence and laziness.  I already knew this but it is one thing to know it and another one to really evaluate it.  And the self awareness push is on because now i’m catching myself every time i have the thought or reaction to someone.
There is a girl in my school who lacks common sense.  My biggest, hugest, most emphasized annoyance with people is when they lack common sense.

If you miss something, make up for it.   If you need to find an answer, look it up.  If you…. blech.  Anyways, it’s an annoyance.  Especially when i cannot seem to find intelligence in them on any other level.  Cause my ex was pretty close to illiterate, yet he could name every tree and plant and where they came from and how to tell them apart… and another ex was not very book smart, but damn he knew alot about mechanics and engineering.  I suck at math.  Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.  But, why the hell do some people seem to lack in all intelligence aspects?

Anyways i evaluated.  I went back into my own history, where my brother constantly referred to me as stupid and made me stand in the corner with a dunce cap on repeating i was stupid in order to get twenty minutes allowance time on the old atari.  Which if i could go back now knowing what i know, i’d have kicked his balls instead.  Especially given that he can hardly turn a computer on now and i can take one apart and put it back. heh.  Maybe it comes from that.  Maybe it’s because i get frustrated having to repeat myself and when they lack common sense i am constantly having to repeat myself.

Maybe i’m just a bit of a bitch.

Whatever it is, people who are stupid where they lack common sense, frustrate the hell out of me.  As i’m sure, i frustrate others.

i also realized today that i am far too much of a worry wart.

I may be poor and struggling and having bills pile up, but meh, they will get paid.  One foot in front of the other.

The realization that i needed to stop worrying so much about bills came after my realization that i care more about the fact i may not be able to get my niece what she wants for her birthday then i do if i can afford to buy groceries this week.

So, um, if buyin the latest barbie comes before eating… and makes me feel slightly better about being poor, maybe it’s cause really i know that i won’t always be poor and have nothin to eat and an unpaid bill or two or three.  Cause i’m more concerned about making a memory for a precious lil girl than i am about the status of my finances.

though, i am worried.  I’m just trying to remove the worry.

The good thing about worrying, is that the stress allows me some really amazing cums. hallelujah (however it’s spelt)

Theory of a Deadman are my music of choice for the day.

i love the flying lizards

i forgot, how financially unstable students were!

Which sounds so much better then:

and is soooooo much less creepy.

Plus the flying lizards are awesome for jumping around the house.  And i’m a maniac.  I’m in trouble already with organizing _stuff_ (polite way to say shit).

But on a positive note, the flying lizards also sang:

In a way that is very fun… though also rather creepy!

I am too busy to write about the adventures of slutty sara, though little scenes are playing out in my head enough.  There is something about stress that makes a babygirl like myself crave soft light touches…or rough hard fucks….or just mmm….  Incredibly naughty slutty little fantasies that i just can’t… repeat… but just the direction of my thought and i feel need.  Hot, all consuming, need.

 

 

 

Spoiled Brat Part II

Sara jolted back into focus, at least partially when the troop of men entered the room.  Nick released her hair and waved his hand, sending her off, which she wanted to kiss his feet for, literally.  She raced into the kitchen, and leaned against the countertop, only then was she able to breath normally. She closed her eyes briefly, her heart was racing, her eyes had watered, his cum was sticky on her skin and a bit had spilt down the front of the powder blue top she wore.  It contrasted the soft colour, splattered over her plump tit.  As she stared at it she felt a stirring between her thighs, and moaned softly to herself.  Though she was in disbelief she couldn’t resist replaying the scene that she’d just had with him.  She couldn’t remember ever feeling such heat with another man, hell she didn’t even like giving blow jobs… did she?

Just then Nick leaned into the kitchen. “Hurry up and bring some snacks out, and the guys all want a beer.” He ordered, and didn’t wait to hear a response before leaving again.  A fucking waitress.  He used her mouth, came all over her, and now she was to be nothing more than a fucking waitress?  She felt like throwing something, but instead she used a damp towel to quickly clean her skin and the splashed cum on hershirt, ignoring the fact that her nipples were hard beneath and combed her fingers up through her hair, making sure the ponytail was once more tidied.  Balancing a tray on the flat of her palm and five bottles held dangerously in between the fingers of her other hand she stepped back into the living room.

Eyes and heads immeadiately turned to her, and a few whistles escaped from the men present.  She kept her eyes down, and moved for them, accentuating each heeled step, her hips swaying, the skirt teasing against the sheer stockings that were painted against her thighs.  She set the food tray down on the coffee table in front of the men, and one by one handed each a beer.  Nick swatted her ass when she stood near him. “You’ll have to move the food slut, we need that table bare.”

Her lips, shiny and pink parted to protest, but the look in his eyes stopped her.  It probably wasn’t the best time to argue with him.  She nodded, more than a little flustered, and moved the food to a side table, bending at the hips to purposely give the boys a look of that shimmering skirt lifting up to reveal the lacy panties beneath, the innocence of the white lace made a devious contrast against her soft skin.  She heard one take in a quick breath and smiled to herself.  Even if she was being ordered around, she still could toy with them.

She was having this thought, this decision of being still in control of the situation, and standing off to the side, the game had started and the guys were oggling for the most part the big screen television.  Nick however had noticed the changes of her features, and was also grinning.  His grin came from the realization that the little slut was regaining her confidence, and thought she was also gaining hercontrol.  She wasn’t, and he meant to show her.  He stood, and pulled the table out of the vision of the television, crooked a finger and motioned her over.  She rolled her eyes, attitude having returned and sauntered to him, lips in a coy smile.  “Yes Sir?”

Nick lifted a hand, and tapped her cheek lightly.  “Lower your eyes slut.”  Horrified, she obeyed, because she could think of nothing else to do, and the commanding tone of his voice did not give her room to argue.  She stood there, looking down at her heels, feeling scolded and… small.

He lifted her hands, and she held them where he left them, watching as he buckled on two cuffs, securing them tightly.  Then he knelt before her, so close she could feel the warmth of his breath against her sheerstocking covered legs, and buckled two cuffs onto her ankles. She was clueless, and simply stood there, feeling foolish.  She could sense the occassional glance from the men on the couch but didn’t dare to turn to look back at them, her cheeks were burning up with a blush.

“Good.” He said to himself, and then turned her, and taking her hand led herto the table.  “Kneel on it.” She blinked, and canted her chin, looked at him in surprise, then down to the table.  with a nervous laugh she moved onto the coffee table, kneeling.  He turned her the way hewanted her, and she heard him snapping a link onto each buckle at her ankles,  Her heels dangled over the edge. What was he doing?  Next he moved around, and stared at her.  “If you complain, even once, you will wear a gag.  Do you understand?”

She wastn’t about to complain, if he wanted to lock her to the table, it just meant she wouldn’t haveto get the guys more beer and could instead do what she did best, look pretty.  This wouldn’t be so difficult after all.  She offered him a coy, pleased smile.  “Yes Sir, I won’t complain.”

Nick nodded, and pressed at her back, so that she folded forward, and her ass lifted up off her heels.  He pulled her arms almost painfully forward and locked her cuffs to the other corners of the table so that she was awkwardly stretched forward in a position similar to that of the child pose in yoga.  She avoided looking to the men, momentarily uncentered from her confidence, her breasts were crushed together and she could feel the cold surface of the table top pressing against her scantily covered body.  From behind she felt Nicks fingers, lightly trailing up the outsides of her stocking clad thighs, then higher still, the skirt she wore being lifted with that light teasing touch.

She took a quick breath, feeling the skirt so softly lifted, till it was folded up at the small of her back, and her white lacy ass was exposed for him.  She held her breath and hid her face, feeling a blush creep now all over her body.  Then, without warning his fingers curled into the top of those lacy panties, and tugged them low, rolling them down her thighs beneath her lifted ass, leaving them there, bunched together,her ass bare, exposed, the folds of her pussy.

“Nice.” One of the guys said.  “Is that for us at half time Nick?”  She was too embarrassed to look up to see who had spoken, but squrimed, not realizing it only increased the attraction of the view, her garters shifting on soft skin, stockings stretched tight across sleek thighs thighs.

“Mmm hmm.  It’s my treat to you guys today.” Nick laughed.  Despite her intelligence, Sara chose to ignore what they were saying, and the meaning behind it.  She gasped however, when she felt the table turned, knowing she was now fully exposed to all of the men.  Nick drew a finger down between her pussy lips and felt the moist heat there.  He laughed, and trailed his fingertip over her puckered asshole, leaving it too glistenting.

“Damn nice.” Another of the men said.

 

She heard some movement again and felt someone behind her.  She gasped, as without warning a finger entered her, pressing roughly between her slick lips and into her cunt. “She’s ready.” The owner of the probing finger said, and released her.  She shook her head, voice lost, but even as she did she heard a buckle, a zipper.  She was too afraid to lift her head so kept it hidden , forehead pressed to the table.  Thick hard cock was pressing against her cunt, pushing inside her, and she arched as it thrust deeply, arched and released the most exquisite whimper.  Mingled fear, pleasure, arousal and denial had her breath caught, as the owner of the cock thrust harder into her, his hands moving to grasp her hips, his balls beginning a steady slap against her throbbing clit.  He didn’t seem to care that she was panting and squirming, he just slammed harder and harder into her, until he grunted, pulled out and she felt hot jizz splatter over her ass cheeks.  With a smack to her hip he moved back, she heard him adjust and rezip and then the man stepped around.

Sara quickly glanced up, her face beet red and lips glossed from being held between her teeth, her eyes were glazed.  The man was the big, burly, he’d been the one who had came into the apartment first.  He winked at her, as if she was nothing more than any other tool used to get himself off with, and sprawled back down on the couch, retrieving a bottle of beer from where he’d left it on the side table and once more focusing on the television and the conversation the other guys were having.  She could feel his cum dripping down her ass cheek.

With a whimper she lowered her head, hiding the desire in her eyes, the humiliation that rouged her skin, and the other mixed emotions that had her heart racing.  Too shocked to speak or protest she simply attempted to gain her breath again.

Breathing again, she opened her mouth, turning her chin to look for Nick, ready to demand to be released.  This was wrong ,it wasn’t right what he was doing to her.  She hadn’t agreed to be some… some sort of fuck toy for them.  Nick shook his head, and she closed her lips, silenced, and frightened.  Thoughts of what her parents would do if they knew she’d stolen cocaine and used it came flashing back at her.  She couldn’t lose everything, she whimpered, and silently told herself she could do this, it wasn’t like she hadn’t ever been wild.  As she was thinking this she felt a long thin rod slide into her pussy.

So long it almost hurt as it pushed deeper and deeper.  Hands again gripped her hips, and she found herself forgetting that she didn’t like what was happening to her.  In fact she begin to moan and whimper with pleasure as the man fucking her slammed deeper and harder into her pulsing cunt, still wet with heat from the last man.  It was then that she felt her chin lifted and another mans cock was pushed inside her lips, no permission sought no need to wait for her to lick or taste.  Her mouth was used as easily as her cunt was.  She kept her eyes closed, they glistened with tears when she gagged, her hair was gripped and for the second time that day cock was pressed and thrust into her throat, she gobbled and swallowed and whimpered and suckled and … She cried out as she climaxed, her cry muffled around the cock slamming into her mouth .

From behind she heard a laugh, and a growl, and knew that the man who was fucking her felt the contractions of her pussy against his cock, the hot juices that coated him, and knew she had cum.  He growled again and sprayed hot cum into her cunt, mingled with her own and the prior mans.  All this was overwhelming for her senses, and even while she was trying to gain some semblance of reality the cock in her mouth erupted, and thick splatters of cum coated her tongue, choked her as it splattered the back of her throat and dribbled from her lips when the man pulled back, sending a final spray to land on her cheek.

Sara had lost all sense of reality, she was panting, foul words and dirty talk was streaming from her lips in a steady lusty needy whimper.  The fourth man had moved behind her and she was begging for his cock, crying out when he ripped into her.  He smacked her ass, and the sting revived her greedy desire.  She moved as much as she could, the cold coffee table so hard and uncomfortable didn’t seem to matter as she arched and cried and squirmed back against him.  He drew her hair in a knot around a fist and yanked her back, while his cock plunged deep into her wet heat.  It was pure ecstasy.

He had finished with her, hot gobs of his seed coated her ass cheeks and dribbled down the back of her thighs, caught in the knotted panties there, and still she squirmed and writhed and whimpered.  Breathless and animalistic, her eyes were glazed in a drug free high.  A touch, a caress, a smack on occasion if she hesitated in her arousal would bring her back up and have her whimpering and squirming again, wanting more.

Nick, just before the end of the game shoved a glass plug into her, pulling and pressing it into her cunt and using her juices to lubricate it before sliding it slowly into her puckered virgin ass.  There it remained, an alien filling her from behind, for all to see there since she remained exposed.  She felt a renewed sense of humiliation and confusion and desire as the guys one by one took a look and commented on the sight of her upraised ass, plugged and vulnerably exposed to them.

She watched them leave, her eyes still hazed with lust and her body still squirming. Nick left the room, and her heart begin to race.  Where was he going? What if someone else walked in now.  Would the men who had left, who had one by one used her… would they tell others? Would everyone think… know… that she was a whore now? A dirty little slut?  Panic lifted, fore every second that she remained alone, waiting for his voice, for him to approach, for him to end the silence.

 

 

Lucifer.

i do not even know what to say.

HiddenJuelle: My Dear,
If you are really looking for something different I would love to have you and train you in how to live forever. I am a former ordained minister that only dealt in exorcism. I was called all over the US to deal with things the church could not deal with. No longer. I am operating on the reverse side. I belong to the religion that the early Egyptian rulers knew about and that is upon leaving one body, moving into another one of choice and taking the memory bank along with you. I study the mind and love to deal in hypnotism. I can promise you that you would be completely happy. You would not have to work at all. I any of this interests you, I look forward to your reply.

Lucifer

No, I won’t be writing back.  Even wishing him luck in finding what he seeks seems too much encouragement for this email. WHY are there so many fucking players and… insanity out there???

I must continue to chant “there are normal men out there that like to spank and have lots of sex.  there are normal men out there that like to spank and have lots of sex.”

The Spoiled Brat Part I.

Sara was not impressed.  She stormed into her apartment, tossing her purse down and stalking down the wide hallway into her bedroom.  Flinging herself onto her satin covered bed her face hid in a pillow, muffling the shrieks. How dare he!!! Who did he think he was anyways, blackmailing her this way!?!

 

Did he think she was stupid? She saw the way he eyed her up, he got a hard on if she said hello! Obviously the man just wanted to fuck her.  Fine.  Just fine, she’d give him what he wanted, she could take control of the situation again.  Yes, she’d show him.

 

He’d told her to wear something that screamed slutty cheer leader, because there was to be a game on when she would be ‘working’ for him tonight.  She had to admit that it had her wondering if all men when they reached their thirties turned into perverts.  At least he was still good looking.  She’d always had a thing for his smile, those dimples made her knees weak.   But he was almost fifeteen years her senior.  And blackmailing?  Surely he could have found a better way to get her into his apartment.

 

Of course, Sara didn’t really understand Nick.  She didn’t get that the blackmailing was simply the beginning of the control for him over her. But she would, eventually.
Hours later Sara stood in front of Nicks door, unable to lift her hand to knock. She felt ridiculous, and yet knew she was a walking wet dream for any man.  The outfit was baby blue, to match her eyes.  It was a soft stretchy shimmery fabric that molded over every curve she had.  The top was ribbed and draped down the front revealing her tempting cleavage.  She wore no bra, her nipples pressed beneath the fabric were hard just from the sheer pleasure of the feel of it against her skin.  Her arms were bare but for the light downy near invisible hairs that covered her flawless skin.  At her hips rested the little matching pleated skirt.  So short that it would lift to reveal the lacy white panties beneath should she bend over.  So short that if she shifted, dipping a knee and lifting the skirt at the same time against a sleek thigh, the garter beneath would be revealed.  Sheer white stockings stretched over her, and remained securely in place with the hold of the garters.  Her shiny heeled shoes were the final touch to the ensemble that rocked between innocence and completely ravenous slut.

 

Sara was frustrated.  Frustrated that it had taken her so long to lift her hair into what should have been a un-thoughtful pony tail.  Frustrated that she’d showered and shaved till her skin was sleek and smooth and warm to touch.  Frustrated that the warmth she felt now was in part because of the humiliation in going through with this, the anxiety of not knowing what was behind the door for her, and the unfamiliar need she felt to please Nick.  The last one frustrated her the most, because she was trying very hard to continue to despise him.

 

Feeling foolish, Sara finally rapped on the door, taking a breath and removing emotion from her features.  He opened the door a few seconds later, but didn’t immeadiately widen it to let her inside.  First he inspected her, standing back, his eyes slowly moving down her, and then returning to her eyes, a grin curling his lips, in what could be nothing but approval.

He motioned her inside, and shut the door behind him.  “We have twenty five minutes before my guests get here.”  He said first, and then turned, and led her into his kitchen.  She turned up her nose, noting that his apartment was about half the size of her own, and wondering what she was even doing here, but she followed him, her attitude obvious.  She thought he was nothing.

 

He only grinned again and motioned to a spread of snacks, sandwiches, nachos and such covering the countertops in the kitchen.  “There better be something for the guys at all times, you can set these on the tables out there or offer them yourself.  Beer is in the fridge so make sure noone is empty.”

 

“I’m not a fucking waitress.” She snapped, rolling her eyes to him.  She didn’t have time to finish the sigh of distaste.  He was on her before she’d even finished the last word, his hand at her throat, backing her up into the fridge.  She felt the coolness of it pressing into her thighs between her panties and stockings, the little skirt lifting up as he pressed her back. His knee lunged up between her legs and his thick hand locked her back against the door of the fridge, his eyes threatening.

 

“You are what I say you are.” He growled, his face to hers, his breath on her lips as he warned her. She trembled, first instinctively raising her arms, her hands to push him away, but instead they fell to her sides, useless and her blue eyes clouded with tears of shock at his grip, his pressure against her, his unmerciful control.  “Now…” As he spoke he released her slowly, and she, half panting half choking back a sob attempted to collect herself, smoothing her skirt down, lowering her eyes, too shocked still to think much.  “What are you going to do?”

 

“I’m going to make sure there is food out and going around, and I’m going to make sure everyone has drinks.”

 

“Good.  When you speak to me your to call me Sir.” He said, and then, almost as shocking as his grip at her throat had been, he swept out that same hand, and his fingers gently brushed back her hair from her face.  She looked up at him in her surprise, blinking away tears and he smiled.  “Come.” He ordered, and led her back out of the kitchen.  She followed, too stunned to think of a protest.

 

“On your knees.” He ordered and pointed to his feet.  She blinked, looked there, looked to his face, and looked down again.

 

“You want me to kneel?” She shook her head, confused, and then quickly added; “Sir?”

 

His lips formed a tight thin line and he said nothing, only stood there, his eyes darkened boring into her.  She felt that tremble… what was with this man? He made her go from fire to ice to fear to shock so quickly.  She moved down, not sure why she was obeying but deciding to go with it, and when on her knees near his feet, stocking knees kissed, heels pressing almost painfully into her ass, the skirt teasing up, she looked up and shrugged.  “What now?”  He laughed, and without further word unzipped his fly, thick semi hard cock released from there and held out towards her, inches from her in fact.  She gasped and arched back, eyes wide and lifting up to him. “What the fuck you think i am?”

 

He didn’t say anything.  He just looked at her.  Those eyes.  He moved a bit forward, and smacked her lips with the tip of his cock.  This couldn’t be happening, her eyes closed a moment, and she inhaled deeply.  Inhaled the smell of him.  The hot musky needy scent, and felt a wave of desire so powerful she almost wondered if she was having a dream herself.

 

It was then she whimpered, and at the sound of her whimper, his cock twitched, the plum mushroom tip pressing forward against her lips, pushing inside, eager to have those sweet lush lips surround him.

 

She moaned, and forgot her argument, forgot her humiliation.  Forgot about anything in fact because his cock was pressing into her hot wet greedy little mouth and all she could think of was that she suck him, that she see how hard he could get in her mouth, how far her throat would take him, if she could suck him without her teeth dragging over his girth, if she could swallow him into her throat and not breathe.

 

At one point she considered the fact that she was dressed like a little slut, heels digging into her ass, on her knees, which were now widely spread in her own desire, his cock slamming into her throat, his hand laced and knotted in her hair, and she was loving it.  She was being a complete little tramp and she was loving it.  In fact she was eager to taste him and didn’t care how humiliated she would be afterwards if he’d just go deeper and use her mouth for his pleasure.  It was, in fact, his pleasure, those little grunts and growls and the feel of his hips rocking forward to fill her… that had her forgetting her own.

 

His hand, knotted in her hair pulled her back, arched her back, even as spittle connected her to his cock, and her tongue flickered out, not wanting to be separated, her eyes, glazed and glittering lifted to him, as he stroked his cock, grunted, and a thick hot spray of cum splashed her lips and into her mouth, dribbled down her chin.  She whimpered and panted, and purred softly as she swallowed him.

 

He grinned down at her.  “You look good covered in my cum, slut.” And then stepped back, redid his denims and nodded to her.  “Later, you will be strapped to the table, and we’ll see if you look good covered in more cum.”

 

She didn’t have time to consider what he meant, because the door was thrown open and chaos begin with four loud men entering the apartment and shouting greetings.

 

 

 

 

 

The Spoiled Brat Introduction

Sara Allans father was the owner of the largest architectural firm in the city. Her grandfather was CEO of the hospitals in the area.  Her mother,  was founder of many of the cities major social welfare programs.  Sara had been raised with the finest toys, clothes, and activities and she thrived on the fact that she always got what she wanted.

At ten years old Sara would look in the mirror, and realize with her money, her looks and her charm she could get anything she wanted from pretty much anyone she flirted with. Sara was used to getting what she wanted, even in relationships.  Boys fawned over her, and she drank it up.

At nineteen Sara had a couple older men who visited her through out the week in the oversized apartment her trust fund set her up in.

Nick lived in a smaller apartment, though still substantially large for the location in the city definitely out of budget for average people.  He watched Sara coming and going, saw her stepping out in heels, designer jeans painted over her long legs.  Sunglasses no matter what the time of day was or what the weather seemed to be like.  She seemed to like to tease him, sometimes with only a little coy smile, directed right his way on purpose.  Sometimes she would walk a little slower away from him in the hall, and he knew she felt his eyes on her as she swayed.  Nick was pretty sure that she was  a complete cock tease.  He based this on the fact that it was rare men remained in her apartment long, and always left with that wild look, rather then the confident swagger of a man who’s just had a woman begging him for more.

Nick was lounging by the apartment complex’s pool one day, a beer in one hand and a paperback in the other, when he heard shouting coming from none other than Miss Allans balcony.  He glanced up behind his sunglasses, squinting more out of habit than necessity to see what the cause was.

Sara stood, all 5′7 inches of her shimmering in the sunlight.  Her hair was damp and clung down her backs in little ripplets.  Her sunglasses swept them back off her forehead.  She smiled down at him her eyes flashing.   She’d forgotten her top.  The realization of this had Nick hard faster then the realization that she was looking directly at him, waving, and smiling did.  This meant that he ended up looking a little foolish, the paperback dangling forgotten in one hand, beer lifted halfway to his mouth, shorts tented with a huge hard on.

“Cat got your tongue?” She laughed, mocking him, even while she arched there on the balcony, her fingers curling around the railing, plump breasts crushed together, begging the touch of a tongue.

He stumbled to find his voice, blinking. “You inviting me up?” He asked, and grinned.

She laughed and shook her head.  “Very funny but you couldn’t handle me Nick, I’m too young. ”   And then she was gone.  His hard on was not.  The following day he got into the elevator and was joined by Sara and scrawny teenager, who by the attitude between the two of them had to be her younger brother.

She was threatening his life over something or other when he laughed, looked at Nick and then nodded to her.  “You think I don’t know about you being the one to steal Dad’s coke supply?” He rolled his eyes when Sara attempted to begin a denial.  “Don’t bother i got you on……” the kid held up the cell phone and a video showing sara and another girl digging through a drawer and then cutting to them cutting and snorting the white poison powder.

Then, to Nicks surprise he tossed the cell to Nick.  “There.  Now he’s got it, so you better be nice.  I’m sure he’ll pass it over if you don’t change your fucking attitude with me real quick.  Won’t you Buddy?” The kid looked to Nick obviously expecting a man to man deal be made.

Nick grinned, and closed the cell tucking it into his pocket.  “I got your back Bud.” He winked to a stunned Sara, and stepped by the two onto his floor.

He waited, patiently, planning all the while for Sara to come.  It took her two days, to knock at his door.  She wore a pair of boots, soft black leather stretched around her calves, a glimmer of her thighs before the tiniest denim skirt he’d ever seen, threads taunting even more around the trim. Nick let his eyes roam further up, to the sheer soft blue blouse she wore.  The size too small shirt threatened to burst open with the buttoning at her breasts.  The memory of spying her on the balcony hit him with a shock through his cock and he grinned, finally meeting her eyes with his own.

“Hiya Nick.” She cooed, already laying on the charm.  He only grinned his own charming smile and quirked a brow, waiting to see what she wanted, though he already knew.   She sighed, “So, like… Can I get that cell off you please?” She leaned forward a little, breasts crushed together, lips shining and curled in a come and get me smile.

He laughed.  He laughed and loved how she immediately looked confused.  “No you are not going to get the cell back, but come on in, I think there may be something you _can_ do for me.”

She rolled her eyes and sauntered in past him, as if she’d been there many times before.  He didn’t mind though, in fact given what he had planned for her, the confidence she showed was rather cute in it self.  He watched as she sat down on the couch, settling across from her on the lounge and waiting while she crossed those long legs, giving him a flash of the red panties she wore beneath.

“So Sara, it seems I have something that could get you in a lot of trouble hmm?” He asked, and held up a hand to stop her before she could speak. “I think maybe you’d end up losing quite a bit if Daddy found out what a thief… and what a naughty thief at that his little princess is hmm?”

“You wouldn’t dare do that to me!” She gasped, and pouted, whining “Niiiick!!!”

He shrugged. “It’s fine, really, I’ll just take this into your grandfather tomorrow, he wouldn’t mind at all.” He enjoyed the shocked expression she had as he continued, “Or perhaps all those guests at your mothers next posh function for fund raising would be interested to see what her daughter really is?”

He saw her eyes flash, the instant that the reality of what he was saying struck her.  “Your going to black mail me?”

He stopped her before she could protest. “Shut up.” Rising, he stalked across the room and stood before her, above her really, he stroked a finger down her cheek, and curled it beneath her chin, lifting her eyes to his, locking them there.  “You will obey, you’ll do what your told, no matter what it is, or one by one all your family will see what you are.  Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir.” She whispered, and he saw the fear clouding her eyes.

He gave her instructions and sent her off, not breaking into a smile again until she had already left the room.

Denied!

gotta wish it was denial of something more fun than a presentation!!

Today has beena whirlwind of a day.  Interviewing went well although with a camera pointing in my face it felt awkward to say the least and was very difficult not to laugh.  I wonder if it’s like that filming sex.  Will have to lose my belly and film it to find out.

I always close my eyes when i get into space.  Close my eyes and taste, smell, feel, lick usually.  Let myself become lost.

I love that feeling.

Being touched, petted, stroked, brushed,spoken to during that… is amazing.

I’d like it to be forced…no… not forced, controlled.  A blindfold pressed over my vision, so that even the option of sight is removed from my own control.  So that i’m not alone when i let myself fall into that space but guided.

I think that would be awesome.  To come home,shower, and get that blindfold pressed over my eyes, a collar around my neck, pushed down to my knees,and cock pressed against my lips.  Guided.

mm.

Four hours of sleep and consistency in control.

i will know when i’ve found someone who really gets me when they do not lead me into a freak out.  Not that it is anyones fault but my own for freaking out.  However, i know i am capable of not being lead into it… or rather being stopped from taking myself there with some simple warnings.  I always forget that when i’m headed there however.

The best dom i ever submitted to and enjoyed was the one who from the get go warned me, knowing i had abandonment issues.  He said there would be times he wouldn’t be able to talk to me, or if we were talking online would have to leave abruptly, that there may even come times when for days he wouldn’t be available.  When these things happened my rule was to not freak out.  Simple as that.  To remember the current conversation and tell myself it had nothing to do with me, and that he’d always come back.  When it broke off, and he really did disappear forever i didn’t even freak out than because i trusted.

I think the key is consistency.

I’m not really sure why men can be so awesome at controlling, and domination caring even, but not get that consistency is vitally important.

Last night i didn’t fall asleep. I tossed and turned.  I tried to cum and couldn’t.  Night number 3.  I almost cried of exhaustion when i saw the clock said 1:38 and knew i had to get up in 5 hours for the ultra stressful presentation i have to give today.  At 5:22 i woke up.  Not 6:22 as my alarm was set.  So i’ve had 4 hours sleep.  Because of course i couldn’t get back to sleep.

Orgasm control is awesome.  What is not awesome about it, is that i have an extremely difficult time cumming when i’ve been told not to, if the person never returns to give me allowance.  Even though i know that they likley are not.  Or if it ends and i’ve been asking permission from them, i have trouble removing this from the experience and just wooshing.  This causes a few major issues in a woman who not only does but sometimes needs to cum a few times a day just to feel normal and less needy and overanalytical.

The first is that i’m ultrasensitive.  Which i hate being because in this state of mind im much more prone to freak outs.  The second is that i’m just bitchy, with other people in general.  The third is my lack of ability to focus.

So i broke it finally this morning and had a nice cum, though it took about half an hour to reach it.

Afterwards i thought about how i freak out when my abandonment buttons are triggered, and how embarrassing this is, and then i realized that… though the emotional aspect, though the lack of control on how i behave rests entirely on my shoulders, the effect comes from the cause…. which is lack of consistency.

So, in my opinion, dominates really need to realize, that when they say they will talk to a submissive, they need to do so. If they give a rule out they need to realize that it may have more consequences than just sexual frustrations. And for gods sake why not just simply explain to be clear that if they break their consistency it has nothing to do with the sub.  I don’t think that’s hard to do and i think it would save a lot of reactions.

Either way i am going to kick ass on my two presentations (even though unprepared) today, even though i’m on 4 somethin hours of sleep because i’m feeling much more relaxed and back in a normal state of mentality and emotion. Someone out there will ‘get me’, i’m pretty sure.  Or even just be willing to learn and hear it out before they vanish into thin air without explanation.